So I was being misjudged. For being a selective person, and left that guy just right after 3 months going out together.
"You are so mean"
"Oh,my. Poor guy. You told me he is a nice chap!"
"You dont even give him a chance"
"Do you think you are good enough young lady?"
"You definitely are not young anymore! Now, who is going to marry you?"
He did nothing wrong. Oh, he was a type of guy that would try to cheer you up whenever you feel down, the one that is always there for you, root for you, and well, he is going to make you happy. Or so I thought if all love needs was just that. To make you happy.
I was the poker one. I felt, nothing. Nada. Ai mo, arimasen deshita. Zero.
Which I knew my mistake was to lead him on. And I was in dire need of someone to lean on and somehow he came with a heart balloon he tagged along.
When we first met,he smiled so wide and happily I did feel my heart thumping faster and slower in the same time. I could feel my feet floating up above the ground, my smile hardly wearing down.
But gradually, it hit me right on my face. The day I could think straight, became the day I suddenly realized, I had nothing inside this heart that could match whatever he's poured me.
I told him off that I really cant work on this relationship anymore. After only 3 months.
Brokenhearted, he asked me if we could still be friends? I said, no. Yet he insisted.
Oh boy, I was embracing the role JERK perfectly, wasnt I? Well, it suited me best at that point of time. I accepted that, your Honour.
Yet, it was not my intention in the very first place to do so. Ah, if only I could tell the world oh so very much.
I had been in his position twice. Liking a person who hardly likes you back and giving you hard time is doing nothing but cutting your heart into tiny pieces and making a barbeque out of it. I know the feeling like its in my book forever long. Trust me.
I didnt mean to break his heart in the very first place. I just had to do so just because I knew, he really truly deserves someone far better than me. Oh, lame excuse, In-chan. *rolling eyes*
And somehow, this role changing changes the way my heart view things.
Love. Its a mutual thing, you know.
You wanna make it work, you have to try harder than you think.
For me, I am in no rush. Really? Well, really. Belahlah hatiku, lihat lihat.
When the time comes, I will give all this heart could ever give. To someone I will call, love of my life.