Miss Jerk's point of view

So I was being misjudged. For being a selective person, and left that guy just right after 3 months going out together.

"You are so mean"

"Oh,my. Poor guy. You told me he is a nice chap!"

"You dont even give him a chance"

"Do you think you are good enough young lady?"

"You definitely are not young anymore! Now, who is going to marry you?"

Hm.

Well.

He did nothing wrong. Oh, he was a type of guy that would try to cheer you up whenever you feel down, the one that is always there for you, root for you, and well, he is going to make you happy. Or so I thought if all love needs was just that. To make you happy.

I was the poker one. I felt, nothing. Nada. Ai mo, arimasen deshita. Zero.

Which I knew my mistake was to lead him on. And I was in dire need of someone to lean on and somehow he came with a heart balloon he tagged along.

When we first met,he smiled so wide and happily I did feel my heart thumping faster and slower in the same time. I could feel my feet floating up above the ground, my smile hardly wearing down.

But gradually, it hit me right on my face. The day I could think straight, became the day I suddenly realized, I had nothing inside this heart that could match whatever he's poured me.

I told him off that I really cant work on this relationship anymore. After only 3 months.

Brokenhearted, he asked me if we could still be friends? I said, no. Yet he insisted.

Oh boy, I was embracing the role JERK perfectly, wasnt I? Well, it suited me best at that point of time. I accepted that, your Honour.

Yet, it was not my intention in the very first place to do so. Ah, if only I could tell the world oh so very much.

You see,

I had been in his position twice. Liking a person who hardly likes you back and giving you hard time is doing nothing but cutting your heart into tiny pieces and making a barbeque out of it. I know the feeling like its in my book forever long. Trust me.

I didnt mean to break his heart in the very first place. I just had to do so just because I knew, he really truly deserves someone far better than me. Oh, lame excuse, In-chan. *rolling eyes*

And somehow, this role changing changes the way my heart view things.

Hm.

Love. Its a mutual thing, you know.

You wanna make it work, you have to try harder than you think.

For me, I am in no rush. Really? Well, really. Belahlah hatiku, lihat lihat.

Because,

When the time comes, I will give all this heart could ever give. To someone I will call, love of my life.

Random tiny bits

• I have made an honest Cancerian crab out of me by being over protective over this plastic heart of mine that could be punctured easily by a tiny pin which in my case, your senseless words. So, watch your words, or I could just simply put you down with mine.

• Wedding could be a nice pain in the ass if you have gotten yourself a tedious most picky wedding planner in the world, which in my case, my mom. sorry ma. I have to. *pressure pressure*. Its not for my wedding anyway, its my brother's.

• Speaking about weddings, yes of course its the season of weddings right now. It is like everyone around me is getting married, and at some point, I could not lie that I do feel a slight tingling feeling of envy that I too, wish to have a beautiful wedding event on my own. Being in charge of the theme color(s) that I choose, the dress I myself design, the flowers, invitation cards and other things! Yet, reality hits me back, shaking my body off and asking me to stay real "Intan, wedding wont stop at the day itself, hun. It starts right after" and yes it perfectly shuns me out of my Alice in the Wonderland fantasy.

• Yet, that did not stop me from designing my own wedding dress. Haha. Something lace, something creamy, something flowy, yet nothing over the top! I will always go for classic look. Ah, I feel like getting married now just because of the dress, which in my case would not happen for the next few years! *sighing* but Allah knows best, right?

• Wedding aside, this has never changed and will never be - Guys who read are in fact the sexiest most erotic human beings ever exist in my entire life. I saw this one chap in a train on my way to KL Sentral who was so immersed in his reading, the way his doe eyes flickered gleefully like he has this new found adventure and he's the sea ay ay captain sailing his big ship! And oh, I could do nothing but stare and stare and never at once I bat my eyelids, for I was too immersed in my new found adventure, a cute bookish guy! Yum.

• Susah benar nak turunkan berat badan, which in my case I took the one whole Holy Ramadhan month to shed 3 kilograms which could only stay put for only a week, and poff its gone with the rendangs and ketupats and cakes and whatnots and now I earn back my 3 kilo badge happily! Yay, I am a happy girl scout.

• Dont sigh Intan, just move your lazy butt around, go jogging you lazy

• 2 weeks left before I formally leave Sharifah & Associates as a pupil in chamber and for that the bosses are rushing their butts off to make a mountain out of my empty desk just because.

• Okay, I have to shove some mountain(s) of my desk, need to finish several cases now. Toodles sayonara!

Chocolate heart

A heart made of chocolates

A hide where I keep my secrets

Which you have forever stayed

And your smile has never strayed

Oh heart made of sweets

And the sound of its exuberant beats

When you chortle "Oh you come here"

Could you see my heart grinning dear?

Oh heart made of thousands of jumping little hearts

See I cant stop smiling oh darn you make it hard

Your whimper, smile, eyes and everything you

My heart sees you, always out of blue.

-In-chan/6.09 pm./A place called home